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Friday 9 January 2015 ♥

BFF forever?

Dear Blogger,

My best friend is Gernevie Charlie. She knows everything about me and there's no secret between us. She is one of the most important people in my life. Besides best friend, she's also my cousin and recently my parents got divorced. it was an ugly divorce and i dont want to talk about it i choose to stay with my mom because of personal reasons. anyway gernevie is on my father side of family and all of my father side of family hates me maybe because i choose my mom. i dont really care if they hate me, i hate them too but i dont hate gernevie. she's acting weird to me lately late reply my whatsapp and always find excuse to go when i talk to her. im scared that this family feud is affecting my friendship. i dont want gernevie to hate me. she is my life and my everything. i can't live without her. i may have lots of friends like olga and mimi buy im most comfortable with gernevie. i can be the real me when im with her. i just hope we will still be friends regardless not just friends but best friends forever. i hate that we are always compared with each other ecspecially when it comes to study. she is clever than me well thats what i feel. anyway, during pmr i scores higher than her so im sure her family are expecting her to beat me at spm. well because i get higher than her at pmr, i dont mind if she beats me at spm but now i really have to beat her for the sake of my mom to proove my father side of family that im better off without him. okay thats all for now.

xoxo,
evaanerd

Tuesday 6 January 2015 ♥

The Heart Wants What It Wants

There's a million reasons why I should give you up

But the heart wants what it wants

Dear Blogger,

I don't understand my relationship with Asik. It's going downhill. I just feel like letting go but i can't. Just like the quote above "There's a million reasons why I should give you up, But the heart wants what it wants" We're like two different people. I don't think i can handle this anymore. I don't want this Asik. I don't want this anymore. Everyhing that meant so much to me is gone. There is no love anymore. But why can't i let go? Why am i holding on to something that's so unsure. I feel like i'm the only person fighting for this relationship. He does ot care anymore about me about us and I HATE THAT. Why is everything so hard? I don't understand how people manage to have a long-lasting relationship not just that but how an marriage happen if people always get bored and change and walk away. I miss him so much. I don't know what else to say. I just wish he'd understand how i'm feeling. The pain i've been hiding for so long right now cause if this continues i won't be the old happy me again. I'll be depressed this whole 2015...

I feel the emotion and pain Selena potrayed in this gif :(

xoxo

evaanerd

Monday 5 January 2015 ♥

Happy New Year :(

Dear Blogger,

Hope it's not too late for me to say Happy New Year.

I broke up with Asik on 27/12/2014 but we getback 5 hours later.

He changed. His not the person i used to love. I gave him another chance thought he would change but right now his beggining to smoke and is getting close with girls. I admit i am JEALOUS. I do't want to confront him cause he will think i'm over-reacting. I tried once and he said if i don't like the new him, i can leave. HOW EASY FOR HIM TO SAY THAT? I wish everything was back like before. His nothing like he used to be. It feels like i'm with a stranger. How long will this last? Is this love still worth fighting for?

Right now we don't contact each other because he has no credit and I MISS HIM VERY MUCH. Sometimes i thought to myself, Does he miss me like i miss him? Does he even think about me? I hope he does because my heart will be shattered into pieces if he don't. The sad part about missing someone is you don't know if they miss back. I'm crying like crazy and his probably happy right now. I hope this Friday we will meet. I have to spend time with him before i go back to school which is on 12/01/2015. I hope if we meet we will be sweet as ever cause our relationship is sour right now.

Asik has been hanging out with Yana(Brendan's Ex) and i'll be lying if i say i'm not JEALOUS. I know how Yana is when she is with boys and i don't like it. I can't imagine Yana and him so close together until Yana post about asik on wechat. Besides that, theres this girl name her name is zati she always comment on asik's post. is like they're close. Asik once asked me who she is and i said i don't know. If he don't who she is how can they be so close? I'm being so insecure right now and full of doubts because of asik. Is this the reason why he is changing? Is he cheating on me? Is he bored of me? Is he just using me? hmm I wish i could read his mind but i'm scared i won't be able to handle the truth :( Real feelings don't just go away...

I really don't know what to do right now. I just wish asik was his old self again. The one that i USED to love so much because the new one sucks. :(

#throwback the day he cried begging me to not leave him :')

PS-before i posted this, i received a voicemail saying he miss me. hmmmmm :')

xoxo
evaanerd

Friday 26 December 2014 ♥

First Love

Dear Blogger,

I've been with asik for more than 10 months and still counting but there's a lot going on between us. He has changed and i'm not liking the new him. His not like the guy i felled in love with. Is it time i let go? I wish i could but my feelings for him are so strong. I can't just let go. We've been through a lot of stuff together. I felt so comfortable with him. I've never have feelings like this towards someone before. Brendan, Odenk or anyone never gave me this feeling. I don't want anyone than him. It's funny cause he is not rich , not that handsome but the heart wants what it wants i guess? hmmm I wish everything was like before again. I really do because how can you forget someone that gives you so much to remember? He used to promise me that i'll be his forever but this don't seem like forever. God, i wish he change to his old self :( I'll give it a shot but if things are still the same then i should let go. But you don't give up on the people you love so i'm fighing for this to last. Please pray for me...

xoxo-evaanerd

Thursday 18 December 2014 ♥

2015 LOADING

Dear Blogger,

As you all can see 2015 is coming and its a new year and new me. Lol i said this every year but i never change. Well, I'm serious this time. 2014 was the most unexpected year. First off, i actually have a boyfriend and its getting serious. Next, my parents divorce. Theres a lot i need to change next year so just like everyone else i have a resolution.

1-STOP BEING SHY

Im having trouble socializing. I'm shy but i'm not anti-social. I just don't know what to talk about. STRESS! I'm always awkward when im in a place full of people. I can't get a long with my boyfriend's friends because im too shy. I can't even make new friends. But nexy year is going to change. *I hope

2-FOLLOW YOUR SCHEDUALE

Im always procrastinaing and i should stop it. I need to set up my own rules and follow them.

3-RESPECT YOUR PARENTS

Ever since the divorce, i realize i'm being rude to my mother. like shouting back. I guess i'm angry that's why i'm taking it out on her because my father is not here. She works hard on raising us so i need to respec her.

4-UPGRADE MYSELF

Who am i now, is ugly and thats's going to change nex year. I need to be upgraded in beauty, style and body. I compare myself to popular girls like Balqish Karishma. My self-esteem when down when i saw her cause she's beautiful like a barbie doll and i'm just a potato.

5-STOP IMAGINING

They say its good to have high imagination but i should stop it. stop expecting too much and focus on reality.

6-STUDY HARD

this is it. main goal i have to get 9A+ at SPM. This is my last shot to prove that i can be better than my sister. My only last chance to get a straight A in a big examination. It sounds impossible but i gotta try my best to be the best.

That's all for now wish me luck for this resolution to come true. i'll update soon :*

xoxo,

evaanerd